The Parameters of Gratitude
by Xelias
Summary: A week after the marionettes' return, Otaru and Hanagata find themselves alone in a dark apartment once again with unanswered questions. This time, things go a little differently. [YAOI, Spoilers for end of SMJ, Part of a story arc]


Xel's Notes: Whoo, I think this one's my favorite... I wanted to make it a lemon, I really did, but I figured I should ease into it... I just can't see two people barely kissing one moment and banging the next.. =/ Gah. This, of course, falls under the same storyline as "Unspoken" and "Pray", and there are several references to both ("Unspoken" in particular). What else..? Umm... This takes place a week after the marionettes' return, putting it in between SMJ and SMJ Again. I actually put the girls in this one! Hooray for me! *cough* Anyway, this one is very much yaoi... Hope you like! ^__^   
  
  
The Parameters of Gratitude  
  
  
Darling you were looking good   
When you came to me   
And asked for a dance   
And I said "We can dance"   
Felt like a queen   
Swedish summer nights are hot   
And the trees can talk   
We lay on the grass   
So easily, so blessed   
Whispers in blindness   
And I didn't hold you back  
  
I'm talking about you babe   
Cause you've been teasing me   
I'm talking about it   
Cause you are bad right through   
Stay with me, and I shall want   
No other love   
Stay with me another love another lie   
  
Stay with me, and I shall want   
No other love   
You were talking so sweet   
But you were touching and teasing......  
  
~ Ace of Base, "Whisper in Blindness"  
  
  
Days like this came more and more often with the approach of summer, it seemed. This was a day when the air was still, hanging in the air like undisturbed water, warm, but not stifling. But if one looked to the western horizon, he would see the dark, ominous clouds beginning to consume the sky and setting sun. However, Otaru didn't notice. He merely continued on his way home, after a long day of work, eyes turned skyward. He watched, with a soft smile at his lips, the last of the spring sakura drift down all around him to touch the rapidly cooling earth below, and spared only a moment to wish for a breeze.  
Those who knew him well had some idea of his appreciation for natural beauty, which was understandable, considering the myriad sights of Japoness, a country that, in spite of the technological age they lived in, managed to retain most of its age-old scenery. It was said that this appreciation was amplified many timed over by feelings of serenity in the hearts of those who bothered to observe, and this was proven to be true when Otaru, at last, spoke, voice hushed, words carrying to no audience other than the soft wind.   
"Beautiful."  
Indeed, this superstition must be true, for the feeling that made its home in the core of Otaru's being could not be described with any word other than peaceful. He had three reasons to feel so. Bystanders would forever view them as the saviors of their planet; he would forever view them as...   
He didn't know. There was no word for it. He had no words at this moment, save for one, which he had held close to his heart ever since the week before.  
"...Beautiful."  
They were home.  
  
  
Lorelei had wanted to meet them immediately upon their return, but Otaru was forced to decline. The entire ordeal with the Mesopotamia had left everyone both physically and emotionally drained- even those who had stayed on the planet's surface. But now, exactly seven days later, everyone was rested and all was well again. It was with this reasoning that Otaru took his marionettes to the Castle Japoness, where their creator sat anxiously in wait.  
"Otaru?"  
The boy looked over at the three who walked by his side, momentarily shaken out of the reverie in which he found himself falling into more and more since the projected Armageddon of Terra II. "Yeah, Lime?"  
He was met with an elated beam. "I can't wait to see Lorelei!"  
He couldn't help but laugh. There was nothing amusing to speak of about the situation, however; this was a laugh of simple joy.  
Otaru felt a strong hand secure itself to his shoulder seconds before a few flyaway locks of crimson tickled his cheek. "I'm a little nervous, Otaru. This is the woman who made us everything we are... I dunno what I'm gonna say..."  
The smallest of the four figures took a few rapid paces to catch up, tension written all over her features. "Bloodberry is right, Otaru-sama. What does one say to the one who birthed our very existences?"  
Otaru grinned broadly. "How about... 'Hi, mom'?"   
Cherry giggled, embarrassedly hiding her blushing face in her sleeve. "Oh, Otaru-sama... I don't think that would be the most appropriate thing to say, given the circumstances. We are all quite apprehensive, I think. However, I am sure I speak for all of us when I say that there is no turning back for us now."  
Lost in thought, Lime walked on.  
"Hey, Lime!" Bloodberry gently poked the smaller girl in the temple. "You're eerily quiet. What're ya thinking?"  
Silence, save for the scattered clacking of shoes upon the stone-paved road. Finally, she smiled, the sincerity of her own voice surprising her. "We have a mother."  
The rest of the walk was voiceless. After a realization so poignant, all other words were lost to the sound of footsteps and wind flowing through the trees.  
  
  
Smirking to himself, Otaru approached Kasahari Apartments. Only minutes after their arrival, he was dismissed, Lorelei requesting to be alone with the marionettes for the remainder of the evening. He didn't mind. This was something that needed to be discussed between the four women, and only the four women. He was, however, greatly looking forward to hearing the results of the conversations that ensued after his departure. He was sure they were interesting ones.  
The sky was darkening sooner than usual tonight due to the clouds what were rolling in on the easterly zephyr. Otaru's brow knit at their portentous nature, but they didn't look as though they were capable of producing anything disastrous. Shrugging a bit, he slid open his door.  
"Otaru-kun."  
There, quietly leaning against the wall in the corner of the room, sat Hanagata. His advances had ebbed to a mere shade of what they once were of late, most likely due to the conditions of all in the near past, and so it seemed, he didn't feel the need to begin again any time soon. Otaru had noticed as far back as the night he was sent crashing to earth, in more ways than one. Bloodberry had even bothered to ask the boy, the object of her zealous affections, about "Hanako", and why his eyes looked so different recently.   
Otaru stood mute for a moment. No lights were on, the room bathed in the soft, ephemeral ginger glow of dusk. "Hey... Hanagata." He took a little step forward, anticipation of being tackled by the older boy seizing him, causing hesitation. "What are you doing here?"  
Hanagata smiled a bit, peering out the window. Hmm, it looked like it might rain. "I told you they'd be back. You never listen to me when you should, you know."  
Caught between the instinctive desire to throttle the other man and the urge to hug him, Otaru raked a hand through his hair. "Yeah... Guess you did."   
A long pause in dialogue drew itself out between the two. Then...  
"It's been a hell of a time, Hanagata. I... There's no way I would've gotten through that without your help. I dunno how I could possibly repay you..."  
Quickly, as he saw Hanagata's eyes light up and his lips quirk in a sly grin, he held up his hand. "Scratch that. I know. Don't say it. Please don't say it."  
He gave the blonde boy an odd look. He was still smirking. "...Oh. And the answer is no."  
Hanagata sulked.  
Otaru snickered softly, in spite of himself and the sobriety of the moment. He took a moment to recover, then continued. "Look, Lime, Cherry, and Bloodberry are gonna be gone until later tonight. You wanna just, I dunno... hang around here with me? It's gonna get pretty lonely if I'm here by myself for the rest of the evening."  
The light in his eyes returned, perhaps brighter than before, and he leapt to his feet, very nearly bowling Otaru over as he pounced him, hugging tightly. "You won't regret this, Otaru-kun! I'm going to make this the best evening you've ever had! Come back to my place! It'll be very comfortable, I promise..." He was unable to disguise the suggestive leer brought on by the statement.  
His response was a soft noise of dismay from Otaru upon being squeezed, followed by a sheepish laugh. "We better stay here. Lime and the others might call..."  
Hanagata glowered a bit, but nodded, settling, for now, for something simple enough as leaning against Otaru as clouds enveloped the last golden threads of sky.  
  
  
The night was largely uneventful, but not unpleasant. Otaru had cooked dinner, which was surprisingly good for what small, recent amount of practice he'd gotten. What had begun as a means of comforting himself over the absence of Lime, Cherry, and Bloodberry had developed itself into a real talent. Halfway through the evening, they had found themselves arm-wrestling over who would get up and traverse the ten feet of carpet to fetch dessert. Hanagata lost, of course, but not without Otaru earning a new perception of the smaller man's strength.   
Now, the time at hand was a peaceful one. The pair had situated themselves in front of the television in favor of viewing the only thing worth watching; an older, subtitled movie, imported from New Texas. Hanagata seemed to understand the dialogue perfectly, however, leaving Otaru with questions that he would ask another day. Cuddled happily up to the stronger boy, with a gigantic bowl of popcorn at his side (it was tradition, he argued), Hanagata allowed himself to slip into a blissful trance, caught up in all the outside stimuli caressing his mind, from the histrionic English emanating from the television to the warmth soaking into his body upon feeling Otaru's arm wrap undecidedly around his shoulders. He could almost sleep...  
"GOD!"  
Otaru felt Hanagata jump, and most certainly heard him yell in surprise as the loud clap of thunder boomed above them. Looking outside, he saw the silver needles of rain; illuminated by frequent bursts of lightning, they fell to shatter upon the ground and the roof tiles of the homes oblique to his own. Brow furrowing with worry, he shifted in his seat a bit. "I wonder if the others are okay...?"  
Hanagata peered over at him, heart still pounding from the scare. "Think about it, Otaru-kun... They've been through way more than a storm."  
With a little sigh, he nodded his consent. "Yeah... You're probably right."  
That earned him a smug little smile. "Without a doubt."  
"Hmph. Someone's overconfident..." Otaru smirked a bit, despite his accusatory tone.  
The other boy offered a haughty grin. "It's well-deserved. I've been right this whole time, haven't I?"  
With a rough chuckle, Otaru playfully tackled Hanagata. "Yeah? I'll show you what you deserve!"  
A brief scuffle ensuing, the two were, unfortunately, interrupted by the wavering, mechanical alto of the phone. Both glanced up at once, Hanagata's vision obscured by the empty, upturned popcorn bowl that now rested upon his face.  
"Hello?"  
A sufficiently loud, yet slightly timid female voice acknowledged his response. "Mamiya Otaru? This is Lorelei."  
His eyes widened in recognition, and he nodded, despite her inability to see it. Hanagata raised a brow. "Oh, Lorelei...! Are you guys okay? It sounds pretty rough outside."  
The smile in her voice could be heard clearly. "Thank you for your concern, Otaru. We're fine, but I'm afraid that I must ask that Lime, Cherry, and Bloodberry stay until tomorrow morning. To have them go out in this weather would be dangerous..."  
Otaru nodded again, pausing to throw a pillow in the taller boy's direction upon hearing a muffled "She can't see you, you know!". He continued with a satisfied smirk. "That's fine. We're okay here. How are the others?"  
In the castle, Lorelei tucked an auburn lock of hair behind her ear, voice dropping in volume a bit. "They're really amazing, Otaru... I don't know what to say other than thank you for taking such good care of them."  
"It's no problem, believe me... They're a handful sometimes, but I, uh," he blushed sheepishly, "I love 'em to death, ya know?" He coughed. "Anyway, I'll come get them tomorrow, all right?"  
Lorelei nodded. "That's fine. Have a good night, Otaru."  
Upon hearing his mumbled reply, she hung up, turning back to her audience.  
"Um, Lorelei?"  
"Yes, Lime?"  
Lime looked puzzled. "I don't think Otaru can tell when you nod like that."  
  
  
Otaru flopped down next to Hanagata with a sigh. "I guess you heard they're not coming back until tomorrow, huh?"  
His gaze was met with an expression that he deemed a little too happy. "Don't you see, Otaru-kun? This is fate telling us that we need to take advantage of these precious few moments we have alone together!"  
"You're so..."  
"Mmm?"  
"...Persistent."  
Wrapping his arms around Otaru's neck, he smiled innocently down at him. "And you like it, right?"  
Otaru decided to give up for now. "...Sure, Hanagata. I like it. Now quiet down; we got a movie to watch."  
Minutes passed with silence between the two, Hanagata reclaiming his position close at Otaru's side, snuggling contentedly. Despite the euphoric haze that settled around his head, a single, intrusive thought continually prodded at his mind. "Otaru-kun?"  
Assured of Otaru's attention, he scooted a few inches closer. "The other night... you kissed me."  
An uncomfortable lull in conversation drew itself out. After what felt to Mitsurugi like several minutes, the boy replied. "...It seemed like the right thing to do."  
"What do you mean?"   
"I mean..." Otaru closed his eyes in an attempt to sort out his thoughts. "If you hadn't been there, I don't know if I could've even made it through the night... And then I realized; you wanted them back as much as I did. I guess I just wanted us to feel better..."  
Another long pause. "If that's the only way, I never want to feel better again."  
The solemn atmosphere was short lived, quickly giving way to the silent shock felt by Hanagata as Otaru, blushing dark crimson, suddenly and clumsily pressed his lips to his, awkwardly pulling back scant seconds later.  
No words passed between them for a long while. Hanagata sat, stunned, for a moment, then readily pushed Otaru to the floor, crawling atop him, kissing him firmly in response. Otaru blindly groped for the remote control, switching off the television, thereby shrouding the two entwined figures in darkness, save for quicksilver sparks of lightning that illumined the space. The thunder above was distressingly loud, but neither paid it any mind. The room lit up once more, long enough for Otaru to see soft blonde hair out of the corner of his eye. He felt warm lips against his ear, and regardless of his desire to let Hanagata know of the level of delight he felt, his moan was lost in the deafening boom outside. All too soon, he found himself ushered across the floor and onto his bed by no tangible object except a hand gently grasping his own and pulled atop a hot, squirming form that wrapped its groping limbs about his body.  
Hanagata could not think- merely act. He managed to pull his shirt off and was currently tugging insistently at Otaru's clothing, a soft, warm ache growing in his belly as he wrapped his legs around the boy's waist, the pair momentarily harmonious in their feverish movements; a clothed parody of lovemaking. Robbed of all sight but brief glances of Otaru's flushed face, beside himself with desire, he clung to the shape above him for dear life, too afraid to let go, for he knew this dream come true would vanish into mist as it did countless other times before. Phantom hands roved over his chest, lips nibbling at his throat. That dull ache was ever on the rise, mounting into a throbbing need that could almost be likened to pain. He felt as though something in him would burst if it went without satiation for much longer, and this belief was confirmed as a flood of adrenaline rushed at an imperative velocity through his veins, causing him to suddenly and easily pin Otaru to the large cushion below.  
As his hand ghosted down the black-obscured chest, brushing lightly against a nipple, he received a fluttery sigh as his reward. As his fingertips softly brushed down his stomach, he felt hard muscle quiver in response. And as his hand slipped past his waistband, into his pants, to just barely graze hot, tender flesh...  
"I-I can't do this!"  
Hanagata was astonished. "You... what?!"  
Light filled the room, and the fleeting look of alarm in Otaru's eyes haunted his sight even after darkness returned. "I can't do this, Hanagata... I... I'm sorry. I'm just... not ready."  
On the outside, Hanagata's face showed a look of obvious distress, but there was a great deal of concern there as well. Inwardly, he was tearing at the walls of his psyche out of frustration. He softly nuzzled at his cheek, giving his hip a suggestive squeeze. "Are you sure? Oh, I could make you feel so good, Otaru-kun..."  
Otaru's voice, however soft in volume, grew hard and steely, a warning clearly apparent. "Hanagata."  
The other man knew when to back down. That didn't make him happy about it. "But what about me?!"  
A few quiet seconds. "...Sorry."  
Hanagata whimpered softly and settled for plaintively straddling Otaru's thigh in hopes that confronting him with his need might change his mind. When no evidence came of Otaru backing down, he gave him a little squeeze. "Will you ever be ready...?"   
With a soft yawn, Otaru squeezed back. "I... Probably. Just don't push me, Hanagata. It won't work..."  
Perhaps it was simply fatigue creeping up on him, but Hanagata accepted these terms quickly. "Mm. I love you, Otaru-kun..."  
The morning would come quickly. It would come sooner than Hanagata would enjoy, and, regardless of his tentative willingness to admit it, sooner than Otaru would as well. Absently petting the blonde's soft hair, he mumbled the only reply he could think of in his half-awake state.  
"...Thanks."  
  
  
  



End file.
